Jun 06

首先转载朋友tomshiwo的文章,《一条音轨的死亡》

by tomshiwo

“一条音轨的死亡其实就是它不再发声,进而变为图像,就如在新闻联播的时候关掉声音,看到两具僵硬的躯体的唇的波动,这种波动的幅度与情绪是如此精确,以至于即使忽略其后的声带运动也可以自成一种机械美感。几十年的震颤与上下颌的开闭,却总可以与波动间歇的图像情绪相匹配,丰收,竣工,盛世一个节奏,英雄,典型,伟人一个节奏,敌人,叛徒,暴乱另一个节奏。节奏的稳定似乎成了音轨的核心价值,而非声带与声带的所指————也许根本不存在一个人的声带?而只是一部人形的收录机在那里象征,排他,用堆积庄重与静穆的能指的方法来结构复杂的事实。那几条老音轨、那几个老节奏持续进行着一种意识形态混音,政治DJ一般不断释放着欢乐迷醉的和谐伦理,供人民从中采样、摇摆、休眠————相当于对权力合法性的问题每24小时做一次直接、有效的解释与解决。

然而今天有一条音轨死亡了。不是关上电视让它在7点到7点半间暂时死亡,而是一个人变成了他的遗照。但这种真实却是古怪的,因为很难不带有“人形收录机宣告报废”的意象。那个非人的音轨与其代表的不死的立场似乎永恒的在中国人的晚饭时间发生,虽然其后紧接着的广告与天气预报在声音质地上仿佛否定了前一个半小时,但人民却如此热衷于这种衔接的逻辑:同一条音轨从虚无到真实的顺势而下。这便是当代中国生存游戏的一部分,因为可以降低聆听与思辨的压力,便对从中心发射出来的声音犬儒且依赖————从新闻联播到广告再到天气预报,如果联合起黄金时段的电视剧,几乎满足了当下中国人对于祖国的所有幻觉与欲望。

今天有一条音轨死亡了。有人竟然哀悼这个“声音”,多么的多此一举!因为“声音”是不灭的,换上一条新的音轨,节奏还可以继续稳定与准确。还有人说他会在天堂里播音,但可曾想过他曾经播音的地方要比天堂不知虚幻上多少!所以,这只是一个人的死亡,一个真实声带的死亡,一颗螺丝钉的死亡。也许唯一有趣的是这个死亡带来的葬礼使得众多音轨们暂时变成了声带们,他们为同伴守灵,祈祷,默哀,但此过程只能进行到明晚7点之前。”

——————————–下面是我写的———————————————————-

罗京死了。对于我来说,这一切更与童年记忆有关。

他年富力强,适合各个年龄、各个阶层的人欣赏。他就像是孩子们精力充沛的父亲、青年人精明干练的对象、老年人满意放心的孩子。甚至,在他面前,一个五大三粗的青年人,也会不由得感到他唤起了自己童年时,对严肃又温柔的父亲的向往。 你们全都不可救药地爱上他了,而且这完全是性驱力的,别提什么国家、民族、大义,这完全是荷尔蒙的结果,全都是关于性的!

他那个秃头,那个时而严肃时而有节制地微笑时而发出胜利号角一样召唤的声音,简直就是我噩梦。我相信,不仅对我,也对无数人来说,要是党会说话,他说话的声音肯定跟罗京一样;要是党有脑袋,他肯定也是个秃顶。

那句螳臂挡车的歹徒,跟我幼年看到的电视上播出审判大会的记忆融合在一起,带来深深的恐惧,但同时令人恶心的是,你明明知道这是一个圈 套,但仍然免不了感到一种甜腻的受保护感:他面带慈祥,用明朗的声音宣布胜利,用爽朗的大笑面对危险,用激昂的不屑面对敌人,他明明是在对我说,是他保护 了我,他让我不受阴谋、爆炸、颠覆的危害。

他只用语音、语调,甚至不必吐出一个完整的词,就能给我带来相应的情感、思维;很多人夸他专业好,很多人发问,他走了,还有谁能接替他?还有谁能替他传达声音?没有了!太可怕了!人民群众不希望他走,人民群众爱上他了!

现在他终于死了,死了!!而且是癌症死的!每次听到他的声音,我就隐隐感觉到不安,想要躲避,直到最近,看到马格南图片社拍的照片,我才突然想起来,他的 声音总是伴随我童年记忆里电视上模糊的审讯室,被枪指着、被手摁着的脑袋。电视里给我展示着敌人的下场,他的声音宣布着又一次胜利,从那以后我就感到自己 内心有什么东西被锁上了。每次我想要突破这个锁,就听到一个模糊不清的声音跟我讲述什么,带着电视信号扭曲的兹兹声,只有声调、声音,而听不清楚具体的内 容。但我能从这声调里分辨出来他的情感,并且同时感到安全和恐怖。

有两种犬儒主义。第一种,是不知道自己在干吗,仍然去干的,比如技术官僚,他不知道自己的技术要被用来干嘛。但他一律服从命令;第二种,是知道自己在干吗,并且努力去干,以赢得最大的利益的。

第一种人,构建了整个体制,他们是体制上无忧无虑的螺丝钉。有人说,批判罗京?他不过是在做自己工作,那不是连我们这样做自己工作的人也要受批判?这种人完全不敢相信有一种除了体制和社会以外的,更高的衡量价值在

第二种,是体制上促进齿轮转动的关键部分。他们驱动整个体制运行,并且知道怎么给自己带来最大的好处,好让最后自己变成机器上最核心的、最重要的一部分

罗京成功地变成了这个核心里最重要的一部分,用他最擅长的语调和语音,使所有人都感染了斯德哥尔摩病毒。这些人在他死之后,由于失去了加害者而伤心欲绝。

我一直默默期待他的死亡。不为别的,就为解开我头脑里那个从来都赶不走的声音。

后记:

转了一篇朋友写罗京的日记,自己写了两笔感受,结果现在这他妈成了个事儿了:有人暗地里留言给我,有人发信给我,有人到处转帖,有人替我摇旗呐喊。 幸亏我这儿留言很紧密:验证码特别难看清,而且一输就得俩单词。许多人不知道怎么玩儿而知难而退。自从昨天恢复了统计插件,就这一篇博刷刷的24小时两千 多浏览。阿弥托佛,我写了那么多读书笔记都没这么高浏览。

骂两句死人还成事儿了,你真不知道这么多人是吃饱了撑的还是本来就没什么事儿闲的。

人死不死,关你屁事。你要流泪你要感动自己闷家里哭去。我有恨的权利,这是一项基本人权。还有,删除不顺眼的评论,也他妈是我基本人权。花钱上网没必要给自己添堵,我的地盘我做主。

Jun 05

Message sent from blackberry using opera mini.

I hate high technology.

————电脑上发出的分割线———–

换了个黑莓。。最便宜的8707。历经无数次莫名其妙的出错、刷机、装软件、出错、刷机、装软件、调试、功能不能正常使用、调试、刷机、出错(循环50遍)之后。

我终于既能在黑莓上看rss,又能上q,还能看地图,并且手机端直接发邮件,甚至进而发blog了。。

我操。

我觉得高科技这玩意儿,就跟需要极大耐心的法术一样:反复折腾,反复找用料、反复施法,尽管如此还是会神秘地出错,哪次突然行了!哎!好,那就再也别动丫了。。

我决定再也不动丫了,这一百年里我都再也不动它系统、软件了。

Jun 03

1.

《汤因比论汤因比》三联中文版,p143

民族主义是目前世界上最强大的思想意识。例如,你在美国征兵,这是与美国人的生活方式完全相悖的。但在内战和第二次世界大战中,美国人为了民族主义的缘故而容许征兵。如果你看看非洲,欧洲人的民族主义错误和悲剧正在那里以非常粗鲁的形式重演着。“西方人很强大,”非洲人可能论证道,“他们在军事上和文化上征服和控制着我们,民族主义是他们的生活方式,所以民族主义一直是其强大的秘诀——因此,让我们也成为民族主义者吧,我们将像他们一样非常强大。”这种想法恰恰充满了逻辑上的错误,但它或许可以解释为什么非洲人如此不加鉴别地成为民族主义者。他们没有认识到民族主义在西方文明中所产生的毁灭性影响。他们把它看做一件强大的法宝,当他们采纳西方观念或者尽力模仿西方的时候,并不理解自己在干什么。

(接下来就译得是扯淡了,看不懂了。。)

2.

Louis Althusser, 意识形态与意识形态国家机器:

(Un exemple : l’idéologie religieuse chrétienne)论基督教意识形态

L’idéologie religieuse chrétienne dit à peu près ceci. Elle dit : Je m’adresse à toi, individu humain appelé Pierre (tout individu est appelé par son nom, au sens passif, ce n’est jamais lui qui se donne son Nom), pour te dire que Dieu existe et que tu lui dois des comptes. Elle ajoute : c’est Dieu qui s’adresse à toi par ma voix (I’ Écriture ayant recueilli la Parole de Dieu, la Tradition l’ayant transmise, l’Infaillibilité Pontificale la fixant à jamais sur ses points « délicats »). Elle dit : voici qui tu es : tu es Pierre ! Voici quelle est ton origine, tu as été créé par Dieu de toute éternité, bien que tu sois né en 1920 après Jésus-Christ ! Voici quelle est ta place dans le monde ! Voici ce que tu dois faire ! Moyennant quoi, si tu observes la « loi d’amour », tu seras sauvé, toi Pierre, et feras partie du Corps glorieux du Christ ! Etc., etc.

… Surprenant, car si nous considérons que l’idéologie religieuse s’adresse bien aux individus  pour les « transformer en sujets », en interpellant l’individu Pierre pour en faire un sujet, libre d’obéir ou de désobéir à l’appel, c’est-à-dire aux ordres de Dieu ; si elle les appelle par leur Nom, reconnaissant ainsi qu’ils sont toujours-déjà interpellés en sujets ayant une identité personnelle (au point que le Christ de Pascal dit : « C’est pour toi que j’ai versé telle goutte de mon sang ») ; si elle les interpelle de telle sorte que le sujet répond « oui, c’est bien moi ! ».

Louise Althusser, l’Idéologie et l’Appareils Idéologiques d’État, POSITIONS (1964-1975), pp. 67-125. Les Éditions sociales, Paris, 1976

May 15

www.lacan.com

Nietzsche wrote that a philosophy is always the biography of the philosopher. Maybe a biography of the philosopher by the philosopher himself is a piece of philosophy. So I shall tell you nine stories taken of my private life, with their philosophical morality… The first story is the story of the father and the mother.

My father was an alumnus of the École Normale Superieure and agrégé of mathematics: my mother an alumna of the École Normale Supérieure and agrégée of French literature. I am an alumnus of the École Normale Supérieure and agrégé, but agrege of what, of philosophy, that is to say, probably, the only possible way to assume the double filiation and circulate freely between the literary maternity and the mathematical paternity. This is a lesson for philosophy itself : the language of philosophy always constructs its own space between the matheme and the poem, between the mother and the father, after all.

Someone saw that very clearly, my colleague, the French analytic philosopher Jacques Bouveresse, from the Collège de France. In a recent book in which he paid me the horror of speaking of me, he compared me to a five-footed rabbit and says in substance: “This five- footed rabbit that Alain Badiou is runs at top speed in the direction of mathematic formalism, and then, all of a sudden, taking an incomprehensible turn, he goes back on his steps and runs at the same speed to throw himself into literature.” Well, yes, that’s how with a father and a mother so well distributed, one turns into a rabitt.

Now the second story : about mother and philosophy.

My mother was very old and my father was not in Paris. I would take her out to eat in a restaurant. She would tell me on these occasions everything she had never told me. It was the final expressions of tenderness, which are so moving, that one has with one’s very old parents. One evening, she told me that even before meeting my father, when she was teaching in Algeria, she had a passion, a gigantic passion, a devouring passion, for a philosophy teacher. This story is absolutely authentic. I listened to it, obviously, in the position you can imagine, and I said to myself: well, that’s it, I have done nothing else except accomplish the desire of my mother, that the Algerian philosopher had neglected. He had gone off with someone else and I had done what I could to be the consolation for my mother’s terrible pain — which had subsisted underneath it all even until she was eighty-one.

The consequence I draw for philosophy is that, contrary to the usual assertion according to which “the end of metaphysics” you know, is being accomplished, and all that, philosophy precisely can not have an end, because it is haunted, from within itself, by the necessity to take one more step within a problem that already exists. And I believe that this is its nature. The nature of philosophy is that something is eternally being bequeathed to it. It has the responsibility of this bequeathal. Your are always treating the bequeathal itself, always taking one more step in the determination of what was thus bequeathed to you. As myself, in the most unconscious manner, I never did anything as a philosopher except respond to an appeal that I had not even heard.

The third story is about the famous notion of engagement.

I arrive in Paris in 1955, during the beginning of the war in Algeria. The horrors of this war that are today coming into the open – mass murders, torture, razzia, systematic rapes – are well known to everyone. Nevertheless, we are a small number in 1955, a very small number to want stop these horrors, to be against the war in Algeria. We demonstrate, from time to time, boulevard Saint-Michel, shouting “Peace in Algeria!”, and when we get to the end of the street, the police are waiting for us, striking us with their cloaks, and we were joyfully knocked senseless. What is strange is that we could not say anything but this: we have to do it again. And yet, I can tell you this, the “pelerine” cloak is not particularly gay. I even think I prefer to be clubbed. But we had to do it again, because that’s what the pure present is: wanting the end of this war, as few as we were to share this wanting. I drew the conviction that philosophy exists if it takes charge of the quick of the contemporary. It is not simply a question of engagement, or a question of political exteriority, but that something of the contemporary is always raw, and philosophy must testify to this raw or take place within it, however sophisticated its intellectual production be.

The story number four is about love and religion.

Before coming to Paris, I lived in a province, I am a provincial who came to Paris a bit late. And one of the traits that characterized my provincial youth is that a majority of the girls were still raised in religion. These girls were still kept or reserved for an interesting destiny. Which gave an important figure to the masculine parade: the different manners to shine in front of these girls still pious, the principal of these being to refute the existence of God. This was an important exercise of seduction, both because it was transgress! ve, and rhetorically brilliant when one had the nieans of doing it.

Before conquering their virtues, the souls had to be yanked out of the Church. Which of the two is the worst, that’s for the priests to decide. But out of this conies the idea, that I had very early, that the most argumentative, the most abstract philosophy also always constitutes a seduction. A seduction whose basis is sexual, no doubt about it. Of course, philosophy argues against the seduction of images and I remain Platonist on this point. But it also argues in order to seduce. We can thus understand the Socratic function of corruption of the youth. Corrupting youth means being seductively hostile to the normal regime of seduction. I maintain and I repeat that is the destiny of philosophy to corrupt the youth, to teach it that immediate seductions have little value, but also that superior seductions exist. In the end, the young man who knows how to refute the existence of God is more seductive than the one who could only propose to the girl. a game of tennis. It’s a good reason to become a philosopher.

This is what has become the place of the question of love, as a key question of philosophy itself, exactly in the sense it already had for Plato in Symposium. The question of love is necessarily at the heart of philosophy, because it governs the question of its power, the question of its address to its public, the question of its seductive strength. On this point, I believe I have followed Socrates’s very difficult direction: “the one who follows the path of total revelation must begin at an early age to be taken by the beauty of bodies”.

The fifth story is a marxist one.

Naturally, my family tradition was to the left. My father had bequeathed to me two images: the image of the anti-nazi resistant during the war, and then the image of the socialist militant in power, because he was mayor of a big French town, Toulouse, for thirteen years. My story is the story of a rupture with this sort of official left.

There are two periods in the history of my rupture with the official left. The last, well known, is May 68 and its continuation. The other, less known, more secret and so even more active. In 1960 there was a general strike in Belgium. I will not give the details. I was sent to cover this strike as a journalist – I was often a journalist, I have written, it seems to me, hundreds of articles, maybe thousands. I met mine workers on strike. They have reorganized the entire social life of the country, by constructing a sort of new popular legitimacy. They have even edited a new money. I assisted at their assemblies, I spoke with them. And I was from then on convinced, up till this day I am speaking to you, that philosophy is on that side. “On that side” is not a social determination. It means: on the side of what is spoken orpronounced there, on the side of this obscure part of common humanity. On the side of equality.

The abstract maxim of philosophy is necessarily absolute equality. After my experience of mine workers strike in Belgium, I have give a philosophical order to myself : “transform the notion of truth in such a way that it obeys the equalitarian maxim, this is why I gave the truth three attributes:

1) It depends on an irruption, and not on a structure. Any truth is new, this will be the doctrine of the event.

2) All truth is universal, in a radical sense, the anonymous equalitarian for-all, the pure for-all, constitutes it in its being, this will be its genericity.

3) A truth constitutes its subject, and not the inverse, this will be its militant dimension.

All that, in a still total obscurity, is at work when I meet in 1960 the Belgium mine Workers.

The story number six is a very moral story.

After 68, during what we can call the red years, when we invented new things, when we created bonds with peoples that we did not know, when we were in the conviction that an entirely other world than that of our academic destiny awaited us, we entered into a political enterprise with a good many people, – and some of them, me included, continue this new political enterprise.

But what really struck me, the experience I wish to speak of here, is the experience of those who, starting with the middle of the 1970s, renounced this enterprise. Not only did they renounce this enterprise, but they entered into a systematic renegation that, starting with the new philosophers, from the end of the 1970s, little by little establish themselves, spread and dominate. And this is planted in philosophy like an arrow. It is a question in itself: How is it possible that one can cease being the subject of a truth? How is it possible that one return to the routine of the world This question nourishes my conviction that what is constitutive of philosophy is to stay not only within the vividness of the event, but within its becoming, that is, within the treatment of its consequences. Never to return to structural passivity : That is properly constitutive of philosophy as thought. It is what I simply called fidelity. And fidelity forms a knot, it is a concept that brings together the subject, the event and truth. It is what traverses the subject with regard to an event capable of constituting a truth.

Here again I think of Plato. At the end of Book IX of the Republic, Socrates responds to the objection that the ideal city which he had traced the plan of would probably never exist. This is a massive objection that the young people make: “All that is magnificent, but we don’t see it coming!”. Socrates responds more or less like this: that this city exists or may one day exist is of no importance, because it is only its laws that must dictate our conduct. That is the principle of consequence. And it is not a question that is inferred from a problem of existence or inexistence. It’s our philosophical duty : to continue.

It’s my story seven which is an erotic story. This is what is expended by all biographers. Will you be disappointed? I will stay within the discreet erotic genre. A “soft” story.

Just like everyone, in the 50s and 60s, we were tormented by sexuality. This torment is certainly stil very perceptible in my first novels, Almagestes, in 1964 and then Portulans in 1967. But literature is a filter here. In the end, this trouble is foreign to philosophy strictly speaking., in conformity to its great classical tradition. I would say that I learned little by little why. It is certain that sexual situations are fascinating, and it is also certain that the formalism of these situations, the erotic formalism is extraordinarily poor. And all its force depends on a repetitive injunction, with variations of little amplitude. I would say then that little by little in life a relation of charmed connivance is established with this formalism. Finally neither transgressive fascination, nor the repression of the superego are really at their place in this affair. All that is delicious, and, after all, without great consequence for thought. I have come to conclude philosophically, that as acute as this pacifying charmed connivance might be, at least for me, desire is not a central category for philosophy, and cannot be. Or rather desires only touches philosophy – just as well as jouissance – as bodies are seized in love. That is why, from this long crossing through sexual torment the final result is, as I had already said for other reasons, that love, and not desire, must instantly return into the constitution of the concept.

The story number eight is a formal story, or a story concerning forms.

I said, on the subject of the erotic injunction, “formalism”, and I said it as a philosopher. Because I deeply believe that what permits a singular truth – amorous as well as political — to touch philosophy is, in the end, its form. In this sense, I would sustain that the only philosophy is formalist. Perhaps in the sense of Plato when he says: “the only veritable thought is in forms” — what is often translated by “Idea” is better rendered by “form”. And I believe that the creation of concepts lies in this: philosophy conceives the singularity of theorms of truth. And there again, we have a Platonic program. Why Platonic? Dialectics is the science of forms. And form is, in philosophy, singularity. It is, as Socrates says in Phaedo, “the unique form of what remains identical to itself.”

From this we have an intimate tie between philosophy and mathematics (a tie strongly thematized by Plato himself.) If the philosophic concepts are in the end the form of the concepts of truth, then they must support the proof of formalization. Whatever this proof be. All the great philosophers have submitted the concept to an overwhelming, speculative form of formalization. I think this is why mathematics must have remained a passion for me? I scrutinize this precisely – in mathematics: What is thought capable of when it is devoted to, pure form? As the literality of form? And the conclusion I have progressively drawn is that what it is capable of, when it is ordained as pure form, is thinking being as such, being as being. Which gives my provoking formula according to which effective ontology is nothing else than constituted mathematics. Which, obviously, in the eyes of the psychoanalyst, means that my desire is only there to sublimate the image of my mathematician father.

The final story, the story number nine, is about my masters.

Philosophy is a question of mastery, and this in a triple sense. First because it belongs in effect to what Lacan called the discourse of the master. Then because it supposes, in its very subjectivity, the encounter with a master. Finally and lastly, because if we look closely at it, philosophy always ends up by constituting a discourse that is ordained to a principal signifier, a master signifier, such as is, in my thought, the signifier “truth. In the three cases, philosophy is a question of mastery; So, biographically, who were my masters?

During the decisive years of my education, I had three masters: Sartre, Lacan and Althusser. They were not masters of the same thing.

What Sartre taught me was simply, existentialism. But what does existentialism mean? It means that you must have a tie between the concept on the one hand and on the other the existential agency of choice, the agency of the vital decision. The conviction that the philosophic concept is not worth an hour of toil if, be it by mediations of a great complexity, it does not reverberate, clarify and ordain the agency of choice, of the vital decision. And in this sense, the concept must be, also and always, an affair of existence. That is what Sartre taught me.

Lacan taught me the connection, the necessary link between a theory of subjects and a theory of forms. He taught me how and why the very thinking of subjects, which had so often been opposed to the theory of forms, was in reality intelligible only within the framework of this theory. He taught me that the subject is a question that is not at all of a psychological character, but is an axiomatic and formal question. More than any other question!

Althusser taught me two things: that there was no object proper to philosophy — this is one of his great theses —, but that there were orientations of thought, lines of separation. And, as Kant had already said, a sort of perpetual fight, a fight that was constantly begun again, in new conditions. He taught me consequently the sense of delimitations, of what he called the demarcation. In particular the conviction that philosophy is not the vague discourse of totality, or the general interpretation of what there is. That philosophy must be delimited, that it must be separated from what is not philosophy. Politics and philosophy are two distinct things, art and philosophy are two distinct things, science and philosophy are two distinct things. Finally, I was able then to keep all my masters. I kept Sartre despite the disregard he was object of for a long time. I kept Lacan despite what must really be called the terrible character of his disciples. And I kept Althusser despite the substantial political divergences that opposed me to him starting with May 68. Crossing through the possibility of oblivion, the dissemination of disciples and the political conflict, I succeeded in conserving my fidelity to three disparate masters.

And I maintain today that in philosophy masters are necessary; I maintain a constitutive hostility to the tendency towards democratic professionalization of philosophy and to the imperative that is rampant today and humiliates youth: “Be little, and work as a team.” I would also say that the masters, must be combined and surmounted, but finally, it is always disastrous to deny them.

It’s the end, now. And when I am at my wits’ end, my trick is to pass the stick on to the poet. I have chosen the poet of my adolescence. Saint John Perse. With him, I can speak of another dimension of life, the companions, the companions of existence.

The companions of the poet are different from the companions of the philosopher. The companions of the philosopher are the different societies within which the question of a truth is at least posed. The companions of the poet are often the companions of his solitude, which is why Saint John Perse enumerates them as companions in exile, at the moment when he himself must go into exile. And aftet the enumeration of his companions, he returns to his solitude, and he says that:

Stranger, on all the beaches of this world, with neither audience nor witness, press to the ear of the West a seashell without memory:
Precarious host on the outskirts of our cities, you will not cross the sill of Lloyds, where your word is not honored and your gold has no title…
‘I shall inhabit my name’ was his response to the questionnaires of the port;
And on the tables of exchange, you have nothing but trouble to produce,
Just as these great moneys in iron exhumed by lightning.

“I shall inhabit my name”: this is precisely what philosophy tries to render possible for each and every one. Or rather, philosophy searches for the formal conditions, the possibility for each and every one to inhabit his name, to be simply there, and recognized by all as the one who inhabits his name, who, by right of this, as inhabiting his name, is the equal of anyone else.

That is why we mobilize so many resources. That is also what our monotonous biography can be used for: to constantly begin again the search for the conditions by which the proper name of each one can be inhabited.



Apr 14

阳台对面的灯火已经顺次熄灭。

晚安,北京。再见,北京。

Apr 14

欧亚大陆的最西边没什么可看的,除了一两个破岛,满山的树林子和半夜里鬼叫的海鸥,每天一拉开窗帘就开始令人沮丧的一天。最主要的是,天天都一样,连每天鬼叫的海鸥都是那同样的几个。1月份,我决定无论如何都得走。事隔三个月,我现在又想走了。

4月17号我就27了。之前我在布雷斯特住了半年,在父母家住了两个月,在北京住了一个月;再之前我在巴黎读得焦头烂额还因为感情问题差点自杀;再再往前的日子简直不堪回首。突然之间,人到27,强烈的危机感扑面而来,情何以堪。

我希望一切从新开始,所有一切,全部重新开始。我可以负责任地告诉你,其实我重新开始过无数遍了,而且什么办法都尝试过:不停地搬家,从中国的东边沿着大西洋岸边一直搬到成吉思汗打了一辈子也没打到地方;不停地转学,以至于到现在都没毕业。中国的古人太缺乏逻辑,所以我就跑到巴黎去学特别逻辑的语言科学;爱我的人,我抛弃了;我爱的人,我也抛弃了。回头一看,人到27,什么都没剩下。

我其实就在找两样东西,一样是真正的知识,好让我理解这个世界到底他妈怎么回事,为这个我看了几百本外国人写的书。还有一样是真正的爱情。为了这俩目标,我换七八个地方,学三四种语言,上次德语班里老师问:“谁会的语言最多啊?”同学们回答:“王晶,他懂英语、法语、德语、汉语,还有河南话。”结果我都懂这么多国语言了,还是说不清楚话。一边是说不清楚我硕士论文到底在写什么,一边是说不清楚我到底爱你爱成什么样,你离开我了又如何。这两样都足以致命。

27年了,我还是活的那么倔,暴躁易怒,对谁都不服,一定要争出个胜负。每次都是看起来赢了,其实输了。每一次都奋不顾身地扑了个空。在北京这个夜里,我坐在阳台上,看着对面楼上万家灯火。我跟你说句实话:我活得这么倔,就是想下次对着镜子的时候,不为自己感到难堪。

今天我催来一笔稿费,挂牌卖着一个相机。不出意料的话我手里能有三千人民币。对我这种物质生活毫无要求的人来说,完全够用一阵子了。我又想走了。但我接下来去哪儿?不是钱的问题,是去哪儿,去了以后怎么样。这个问题必须在15号解决,并且在16号上路。

要是路上有个大卡车什么的直接把我撞得灰飞烟灭,那就太合我心意了。

Apr 07

去年的四月,我住在蒙马特高地一处小房间。下楼向西走上几百米,就是红灯区和亨利·米勒常去的Wempler咖啡店。二月与三月都是雨季,我的窗户漏雨。9平方米的房间里有一张大床,一个马桶,一个灶台,还有一个淋浴。除此以外,就是成堆的书,寸步难行。

从4号线的Barbès-Rouchechuart下来,有阿拉伯人冲人群兜售走私香烟。他们的台词只有一句:“Malboro trois euros, malboro trois euros”。有次我与一个朋友路过,满耳都是妈了剥猴脱啊泽猴,我随口问了句除了万宝路还有没有别的。立即有阿拉伯小青年带着被人轻视的愤怒表情冲我喊,大麻鸦片可卡因海洛因还有姑娘,伙计,你到底想要什么?你想要什么,就有什么。

想要什么就有什么,这句话基本是我住的街区 的最精确描述。但是需要冒险。05年我从新京报辞职,吃散伙饭时一个哥们跟我吹嘘如何在蒙马特看脱衣舞,五欧十欧地往人胸罩里塞。后来我亲自在这里驻扎,知道了丫当时肯定进了专门坑蒙游客的黑店。其路数基本和国内相同。姑娘坐上腿就要点酒,劈一个叉就要再喝一杯。一杯五百。在国内不拿钱就上一群保安,在蒙马特是不拿钱就上一堆黑人阿拉伯人。我听过另一个哥们讲他的传奇身手,他看到三千多欧的账单时脑子一炸,眼看着黑人还没围上来,拍案而起跳上桌子,先一个凌空飞踹踢倒收账的伙计,再一个猛冲撞倒旁边的黑胖子,跨栏跃过沙发,跳上桌子,凭借高度优势一个高跳而到门前,破门而出;门外阳光惨白七八道,路人零星两三个,他拔腿就跑,后面带出一群黑胖子和阿拉伯平头。黑店黑社会都由平头跟胖子组成,这点和国内也是一样的。

楼下的taxiphone就没那么走运。这家店专营手机电话卡网吧,兼带买卖各种带着来路不明气质的玩意儿。我和他们混得倍儿熟,并不是因为我也在做这路买卖,而是因为我在他的电话亭里开始了一次恋爱,又结束了这次恋爱。打往中国的电话每分钟0.25欧,开始每次都要付上五欧,后来一分钱也付不掉,因为每一个电话都打不通。

他们的修理工是个蔫坏的摩洛哥人,一脸怂样,知道我在电脑街打工就经常跟我打探配件和维修报价,有一天他拿出一个ibm笔记本,问我能不能解bios锁。我说这活儿你们干不了,得有热风枪编程器解码程序和精细手工。首先要吹掉加密芯片,再把电脑用读取器连接到电脑上,然后用解码程序解出密码,最后重焊芯片。这期间,要将临近芯片保护好,并随时掌握距离以免主板变形,云云。他听得肃然起敬。再后来他就进了局子。其实不光解密码他干不了,卖脏货这事他一样干不了。要吃上一口饭,不仅要有一口利牙,还得有脑子。他没脑子,不像老超。

老超北大毕业。七八年前,在他仍然青葱的时候,就成了各高校自行车手机的大总管。每一个被窃的手机,每一部丢了的自行车,每一个被撬的锁啊还有那些不知来路的钱包,经过一只只手,一扇扇门,变成了老超手里的现金流。后来老超进了造飞机的学院,在空客A380和欧盟战斗机的零件堆里,在人人都穿白大褂的实验室里,老超一只手握着板钳,一只手握着假visa卡,跨出波尔多,迈向巴黎和北京。

他带着装了几十个ipod跟手表香水的行李箱闯过关,他给人做教育部都能查到的假文凭;福建帮温州帮?那就是老超的亲戚,一起上过揭黑的节目,不过别人的脸都是健全的,他们的脸上打着马赛克。老超信奉最危险的地方就是最安全的地方,还信奉狡兔三窟。所以他住在警察局边上,货存在另外一地,并有第三套房子闲置随时可以搬入。他凭一张嘴,专门靠说服爱慕虚荣的年轻少女为他盗刷信用卡挣钱,不知道害了多少人。

最得意的时候,他泡着三个女人;最失意的时候,一个大子儿没有,门前轮换三个帮派盯梢。起起落落,千金散去又复来。我最后一次见到他的时候,他正在约设备制造商代理七八十种中子激光美容去瘢护肤器,还开了一个美甲店。谁能知道,这个尚未中年已发福的男人,已经历经江湖起落,打过自己的官司,上过别人的床;倒过一趟就是几十万的货,又被人前后门堵过?每次看到他,我都在怀疑,这个戴着眼镜的男人,在他的似笑非笑之后,给我讲述的一切,其实都是假的。

去年的4月17日。每次我想起这一天,耳边总响起是一片雨滴打在窗户上的声音。其实雨季已经过去,那天根本没有下雨,卢森堡公园的郁金香全开了,黄灿灿的围在玛丽女王脚下。天蓝地绿。到了夜里,房间里还残留着烟味儿,酒味儿,生日蛋糕,还有胡萝卜和意大利面的味儿。与此同时,肉体的味儿也蔓延开。这一天,我打了一个电话,盘问出一个十年没有见面的兄弟。这一天,我彷佛又回到了祖国的时区,回到了经历过却未曾回想起来的时间里。那里有一片深蓝色,触手可及的夜幕,海浪轻微拍打以及夜半灯塔的光。赤裸地开始旅行,经过航道与暗礁,如加缪所言,如一趟航往印度的游船。

去往印度的游船?等等,要是让加缪看到了我的邻居,他就会改为,一趟开往中国东北的游船。在我的隔壁,每天淋浴响起五次。我曾经为此事迷惑不解,直到有一天,一个小个法国男人,我的房东,带着苍白的脸出现在我房里。我们谈天气,谈人,直到他突然把手放在嘴唇上,让我竖耳倾听。

我听到了什么?钥匙的轻微声响,故意掩饰的脚步声,随后门被静悄悄地关闭,再无声息。我问那个男人,这究竟是什么?他带着一脸观淫癖满足了的表情对我说,这是你20欧元一次的邻居。后来我见到过她,带着一个刚从菜场回来50多岁的法国男人,戴着黑色的帽子,穿着黑色的风衣,三根芹菜从他的篮子里探出头来,由于刚刚爬过六层楼梯而气喘吁吁。她肥硕色衰,也是50多岁,带着毛泽东时代东北国企的铁锈和下岗工资,一次殖民等于20欧元。

其实我怀疑那个房东并不清楚行情。后来我探访到一个她们的聚集地,那天和平常的每一天没有什么不同,4月阳光初露,微风习习。我以找房为名,联系上一个东北口音的女人。她领着我进了一栋豪斯曼式的公寓楼。墙粉和木头散发着从拿破仑三世开始所有雨季积攒下来的腐烂味,并混着20世纪中国餐馆后厨特有的汗液与烂菜味。门廊的玻璃上警告着住户不要随意出门,若当街被捕自负全责;两个阿拉伯人在墙角持枪抢劫,夜半敲门万万不可应答。她带我进了房间,指着一床烂褥对我说:“一个铺位每月两百。”在她怀抱的襁褓里,一双眼睛出神地望着我。

暗访完成后我踏上回程地铁,美国和欧洲游客穿着鲜亮性感、昂首挺胸说着七八种语言。他们怀里揣着通往幸福的visa和mastercard,用代表成熟稳重的黑莓手机,即便在万里之外的欧洲也可以买卖美国股票,并随时闪电般地回复商务信息(BlackBerry业务是指电子邮件到达集团客户邮件服务器后,通过端到端的安全连接,主动推送到集团个人客户移动终端,使其随时随地接收、回复、转发 和撰写电子邮件的业务形式。BlackBerry业务融合了业界优秀的软件,服务和硬件,为公司环境提供了端到端的企业无线解决方案。)与此同时,一个毛泽东时代出生的东北下岗女工,年轻时代的劳动能手,正在向东十五公里处,与那栋公寓一起慢慢腐烂。如果她们成了泥,那是为了她们仍然在国内的亲人们,能在失业和衰老中再养育出下一代。想想你是怎么给蛇头交了十几万人民币才来到这里,想想正在读高中的儿子——那就大减价吧。被殖民者与殖民者握手言和,五欧一次!一切为了儿子!

人人都想要点什么。到了晚上,在每个没有路灯的角落里,都有一个人张开了嘴,露出白森森的牙,静悄悄地发问,你想要点什么?其实这只是一个语义的陷阱,他们真正想问的是,他们究竟能从你身上得到点什么?

对了,关于那部名字经常被人引用,却很少被人完整观赏的电影,它的名字叫《爱比死更冷》。每次我放这部片子都没看完,有时是被轻柔抚摸打断,有时是被一根叶子。上一次航行,我还同时看了一部日本大cult片。最后,在那部片子的结尾,伴随三流肥皂剧结尾曲似的日本摇滚乐,我看到了我认识的每一个人混在其中,他们梳着明治日本的发髻、穿着木屐起舞;他们的名字挨个打在出场的字幕上,有的人是场记,有的是演员,有的是死跑龙套的,有的是我。这些名字挨个滚动,直到剧终。

2009年4月7日

北京

初稿

Apr 05

先上几张采访时拍的照片,正文见报后再贴。

本期南方周末有一篇两会代表提案报道,冯骥才的《被肢解、被祸害的文化遗产》点出的问题正是这次潍坊之行需要传达的信息:从六十年代开始,手工艺人和农民先是被政治力量摆布,10年里每天下地挣工分,年画和风筝被禁;八十年代开始,又商业力量摆布,原村落被拆迁改建集体风筝厂。伴随着工业化风筝生产,原村落又逐渐被旅游开发所吞噬。明朝时期留下来的村落变成了大观园式的游览景区,原有村落的经济文化生态被彻底破坏。乡村经济的文化产物–风筝和年画如今成了流水线操作的工业产品,传统的手工风筝变成了博物馆里的展品。村中青年人口大量流失,无人继承在几百年间都没有中断的传统。运气好的人赶上了工业化生产和商业化的浪潮,运气不好的,在拆迁与经济压力下连生活都难以维持。

商业和政治的力量变成了非常现实的两个主题:工业化生产和拆迁。工业化生产已经灭绝了传统文化手工业的商业前途;卖地拆迁消灭了传统手工业存在的现实基础。最后,村落作为一个整体消失、分散了,只留下了一个打扮光鲜的大观园,一个只剩肉而没有魂的风筝工业。

随便上几张照片吧。。

Mar 13

rollei 35 led,镜头有霉有擦伤。

抵御2000块的ricoh gr1v诱惑。。

分别于巴黎与波尔多海边摄。

Mar 07

梁小姐写的一篇发生在身边的故事。转载自这里

莱缇希亚

文/Ying LIANG

莱缇希亚是我硕士班的同学,本科学的是造型艺术(Plastic Art),最后一年转到哲学人文科学院。刚开始接触觉得她为人随和热心,后来发现在有的情况也挺喜欢挺不依不饶的,尤其喜欢上课跟老师辩论。

入学的时候她的肚子就很大了,我以为她只是胖,后来才知道,她原来是怀孕了……

后来又发现,在科目小测的时候,她总是理直气壮地跟老师多要二十分钟,我原以为因为她是孕妇,后来才知道,她有残疾人证,她的智商有缺陷。

当时即佩服她也能上研究生,而且是比较用脑想事的研究生。另外,对她不由得也非常卑劣地派生出某种同情。

她的宝贝本来预计在2006年圣诞节诞生,非常不幸的是,离圣诞还有五天时间的时候,宝贝在妈妈肚子里去世了。当时班里一阵阴霾,有个女同学一说到她的事情就狂流泪,倒是她回来了之后,常常安慰这位女同学。我当时写过一篇博客悼念。

我后来跟一个艺术系的男生聊天,恰好这男生从前跟她非常熟,讲了她的许多奇事。这哥么是东北人,说话尤其绘声绘色倍儿幽默,把我笑得得一惊一乍的。

很 奇异的事,那一个晚上的莱缇希亚传,我仅仅留下了听过的情绪,情节基本忘记了。仅仅记住了一点,她的男朋友,就是去世的孩子的爸爸,是位画家,住在北方一 个偏僻海边的破房子中,活得非常自由非常无政府主义非常不靠谱。也仅仅记住了一个故事,有一次她坐火车忘记带青年卡,警察查票的时候看她买了青年折扣的 票,硬要给她罚款。她抗争无效,警察离开了之后,她固执地一直跟在警察的面前走,手里拿着一个画板,照着警察的脸画像,说要拿这张画像投诉他。

后来找实习,大家都困难不小。唯有她,最后跑到了canal +工作。有的人自我安慰,说有的牛逼企业需要照顾残障人士的。

她总说她会一点中文。也总折腾学中文,写诗这些事。毕业的时候,她说要送我一首中文诗,我看了,完全是乱造。也没在意。

再后来毕业,联系就少了。半年之后收到她的一个短信,说她要留校念社会学的博士,我有些暗暗吃惊,博士,我当时未曾有勇气申请。

之后就是很长时间之后,一年多吧,大约两个月之前,在facebook收到了她的留言,跟平常一样,她又把“ni hao”写成了“ni rao”。不过当我回问她过得怎么样的时候,她说,我的宝宝刚刚出世了。这一次,这个小天使终于未被神灵收回。

之后就到了上个月。在电影院里看《Louise Michel》,我忽然发现了熟悉的身影。一开始,说她长得像我同学也只是玩笑话,之后渐渐认了真,发现这还真的就是莱缇希亚吧。演员表留下来确认,真的是她,用了笔名,明小姐。

之后马上用手机联系,未发送成功;到facebook留言,发现她的帐号神秘消失。

一周之后,她终于知道我找她。以下为短信部分:

……
我:你的电影演得不错啊。最近有什么新片约么?下次别忘记提前告诉大家啊。
莱:没有电影,但是我的书出了,在www.mecapop.org就能买到,叫做《明小姐和她的神秘蜡烛》,canal +的很多人员参与了这本书的制作。
我:…… 你已经在canal+正式工作了?
莱:没有,只有临时合同,我给他们做些项目,比如我固定给他们绘画和制作漫画。
我:…… 工作十分好啊。很多同学,都没找到有趣的工作。比如说,我现在的工作就跟专业无关,无奈。
莱:耐性总会等到它的德善。我过两天出发去巴黎。
我:你打算来巴黎长期工作?
莱:不,我只去几天,我去录音室录歌。
我:…… 你还唱摇滚?
莱:不,我的音乐是techno。
我:还有别的事情吗?我觉得,你不如把你在做的事情一次性都告诉我吧。
……

我觉得,直到这个时候,我才知道自己心底产生了真实的奇妙的变化。真诚地佩服她和尊敬她。她不但在做事,而且做得争气。我觉得自己的某一部分被打败了,虽然我从未觉得自己这一部分曾经缺乏善意过,或者曾经打斗过。

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